My lifestyle for many years has been unique, to say the least. Honestly, it’s both ridiculously impossible and strangely simple.
It feels like a paradox.
But what is a paradox, really? Google tells me:
“A statement that seems to contradict itself but may nonetheless be true. Example: the paradox that standing is more tiring than walking.”
Yeah—that’s my life. It’s literally harder for me to stand still than it is to walk.
The Question
This morning I woke up from a strange dream. I was on a first date, she asked me a question, and I jolted awake.
The question: “What do you do for work?”
LOL. That’s a great question. What do I do for work? Do you mean what I used to do? Because life has sure changed.
I used to have a career. I used to own my own company.
What happened? Myositis, of course.
And beyond that—there’s always the possibility of me getting sick again. Deathly sick. That’s a reality I can’t ignore.
These are the kinds of thoughts that keep me up at night.
Do I really want to date?
Do I want to burden someone with this madness?
Will they derail my journey—or will I derail theirs?
What’s Needed for a Relationship?
I thought about what’s truly required to make a relationship successful. My list:
Attraction
Compatibility
Dreams
Goals
Fun
And… Safety
That last one is tough. How can I provide safety to someone else when I can barely protect myself?
The Answer
This is why I don’t date right now. How do I explain my life without sounding like a mess? I know everyone has problems, but mine feel heavier.
I’m scared. Petrified sometimes. Scared of the future.
Will it be good? Great? Or will I end up housebound and miserable?
I also worry that a new partner could send me spiraling into depression or anxiety. It wouldn’t take much—most days I’m hanging on by a thread.
Yet… I also know this: I work harder than most people I know. Just not on the same things they do. And I do stay positive, hopeful, and motivated.
Still, how do I explain all of this without them running for the hills?
A Glimpse Into My World
I imagine the conversation might go something like this:
Q: “What are your dreams?”
A: To live my best life and to have fun—so much fun—no matter what happens.
Q: “What are your goals?”
A: To inspire others and to be in the best shape of my life, physically and mentally.
Q: “What do you do every day?”
A: First, I take care of my health. Meditation, stretching, a workout, and good meals. That’s three hours every morning, non-negotiable.
Then, I focus on what I call See Stu Go. Two parts:
Living my best life—going, going, going—laughing, shining, and soaking in each moment.
Inspiring others by showing that no matter your circumstances, you can still live your best life.
After that, I figure out work. Some days it’s Uber, handyman jobs, or Amazon Flex. Other days? Billy texts me to play golf—and I say yes. Or I skip work to go hiking.
Because money has to take a back seat.
I write a lot. Journals, blog posts, chapters of my book. Some days I dive deep into my website or projects. Some days I don’t. But I always try to align with my goals.
The Truth
So how does someone fit into all this? I’m not sure. It might not sound like there’s time for a relationship.
But here’s the thing—I still want one.
Even with the chaos, even with the fear, I know there’s someone out there. I want to make time for her. I just don’t know how yet.
So for now, I’ll stay alone. Content. Working on me.
But not giving up hope.
