What if the life I want is behind everything I avoid?
I wrote this on a morning when I didn’t wanna do anything—but wrote it anyway.
Here’s an idea.
What if I did everything I didn’t wanna do?
What would happen?
What if I took everything I didn’t wanna do and decided I wasn’t going to put it off any longer?
What if I made the decision to spend the next year doing something I didn’t wanna do every—
single—day.
How much better would I be?
I don’t wanna work out.
I don’t wanna eat well.
I don’t wanna clean the storage building.
I don’t wanna finish writing that book.
I don’t wanna do this DAMN job.
Or—
I need a new job, but I don’t wanna look.
Or—
I need to talk to someone, but I don’t wanna.
Or—
I feel like I do right now. I’m working so hard on building something—something I think could be bigger than me.
But I keep getting distracted.
Pulled away.
And all these distractions keep me from where I really wanna be.
I just can’t seem to avoid it.
I have all these things piling up around me. They’re eating away at me, making me feel guilty and broken.
How can I find some sort of daylight?
What if…
I keep doing what I’m doing—
staying busy,
just doing one thing at a time,
steady.
What would happen?
Would I be a totally different person?
I’m sure I would.
I know I would.
What if…
I just stayed the course.
Every day for the next year—or even two years, for that matter.
What if I spent two years just doing all the things I don’t wanna do?
WOW.
I can and could do—and be—SO much better.
(Totally off topic.)
It’s not that easy though, is it?
Take for instance, I’m writing this article right now, and mid-sentence my mind is already pulling me in a different direction.
Isn’t that strange? Do you do that? Or is it just me—my ADHD, dyslexic self getting sidetracked again?
It’s so strange. But yet, I do it all the time.
Now I’m thinking… I always feel guilty. Even when I’m working. Do you do that?
It’s like I’m always guilty.
On one side, I feel guilty for not putting in the work, and on the other side, I feel guilty for not enjoying life and having fun.
When I’m working, I’m thinking about having fun.
And when I’m having fun, I’m thinking about working.
It is that crazy.
I guess I’m looking for balance. Surely I can find something in between. Maybe. Surely.
Okay—I’ve gotta go do something I don’t wanna do.
Have a good Sunday!
