Nuts
This life is so crazily unfair.
And somehow, I do it to myself.
My head is nuts — I’m a freaking lunatic. One day I’m full of hope and positivity, and the next I can’t even leave the house, trapped in a raging fit of depression.
I want to go, but I don’t.
Beating myself up and calling it “lazy” is the choice I make.
That’s insane. Why do I choose this torture?
Then, two days later, I’m miraculously feeling great — hopeful, ready to conquer the world. That’s nuts!
I’m so freaking nuts. My mind bounces all over the place, catching glimpses of both hope and pain.
I know my thoughts are powerful. I’ve known that for years.
I can be positive or negative in an instant — like a light switch on the wall.
I can choose to flip it up or down.
It’s my choice.
Yet somehow, I forget to flip it on.
I don’t even notice it’s off until it’s too late.
I could have hit the switch, but I didn’t.
Why is it so hard? Why can’t I just stay positive all the time?
I want to — so badly.
But I forget.
I can’t seem to remember.
Why can’t I just remind myself to hit the switch?
I don’t know. I really don’t have an answer.
Just an excuse.
Do you ever feel the same way?
Or am I alone in this struggle?
Maybe I just have to be okay with not knowing —
what I want, or how, or where.
Where will I go? What will I do?
I don’t know.
I just hope I can learn to be happy, hopeful,
and simply… okay.
