Sometimes believing is the easy part. Living through what comes next is where the real story begins.
Friday, July 3, 2026
Lately, I've been doing well. I'm somewhere between letting go and moving forward.
It's weird.
On one side, I'm the best I've ever been.
On the other, I'm still teetering on the edge.
It's like... physically I feel as strong as I was in my forties, but I still get fatigued and weak so easily.
And mentally, I'm still unstable, but then as strong as I have ever been.
That's weird to say, I know.
But it's so true.
I'm somewhere between sadness and madness, and happy and wonderful.
This is where I live.
Two weeks ago, I wrote I Dared to Believe.
A great piece about me taking leaps.
A new car.
A new job.
And trusting I could physically do the job.
As it turns out, there were some setbacks.
I lost my shit with the dealership, and I nearly fell out from exhaustion at work.
The dealership wouldn't respond to my messages for nearly two weeks. So I went down there pissed as hell—going straight for the bell.
You know...
The bell everyone rings when the deal is signed.
Needless to say, I didn't just ring it—I rang the hell out of it—until the rope actually fell off in my hand, yelling...
I WANT TO TALK TO THE DAMN MANAGER!
The showroom was full of people.
Not my best moment.
I think I nearly went to jail as the drama unfolded into the next day.
And on the next day, at work, I found myself exhausted and dizzy at my machine.
I'd done too much.
Two weeks of heavy parts had gotten the best of me.
I had to go to my manager and tell him I couldn't physically do the job.
It was a slap in my face.
I thought I could do it.
I wanted to do it.
As it turned out, though, he understood, and he gave me a better job with smaller parts.
It worked out.
Everything had gone south so quickly.
And yet...
It all became better for me in the end.
Isn't that how it goes?
From the storm...
Into the calm and the light.
