Unfinished
Do I have ADHD?
For sure! No doubt in my mind.
I obsess over everything.
One day I might obsess over being good at work. Then tomorrow maybe I’ll obsess over exercising and being healthy. Then I follow that day up with having fun. And it’s an obsession too.
I’m a complete madman.
I have all these grand ideas. I try to be good at everything, and the result is I’m never really good at anything.
I have lived a life of obsession. I just can’t seem to accomplish anything. Everything in my life is unfinished.
I start something so strong, so perfect. I think of every little detail, and I can see it happening in my own head. Yet it never happens. Everything is missing something. Nothing is ever complete. There is no end.
It’s chaos.
Things pile up everywhere in my head. They just sit there, waiting for me to pick them up again.
I do. From time to time, I pick them up and obsess over them for a few days or a week. Then I set them down for weeks, months, and sometimes even years.
And maybe never.
They wait impatiently for me.
It creates these feelings of excitement and emotional emptiness at the same time.
They are great ideas, or plans for my future that never arrive. It doesn’t happen. They are empty promises to myself that become the heartbreak of being me.
Yeah, I break my own heart. Every day.
I’m mad at myself.
I have become my own disappointment, because I just can’t seem to keep my eye on anything.
Everything.
Nothing.
And the result is always the same.
I let myself down.
“New thought.”
Why do I write this? Why do I feel the need to share these personal thoughts with you?
I know. I’ve got to get it out of my head so I can make room for what matters.
And what really matters?
Self-love.
Happiness.
Joy.
The confidence in myself that I did the best I could with what I was given.
And even with these feelings of emptiness—I know—I was also given a lifetime of joy, laughter, love, and happiness.
I got more than most.
And do you know what? I want more.
So I write to you.
